Bordeaux 2025 Primeurs: St Emilion
“Why are we running?” I shouted, throwing the words in the direction of the spirit of primeurs past, in the form of Taylor Swift, who was a few metres ahead of me.
She glanced back at me, her eyes aflame with passion. Or possibly disdain, I find it so hard to tell the difference.
Then a second glance, before she spoke.
Another chance to dive into those eyes.
I was more certain this time.
“Disdain,” I said to myself. “It’s disdain…..definitely disdain.”
“Because you’re late, you imbecile, and because of that.” She glanced back again, but this time looking past me, to the figure chasing us. And catching up.
That figure was the BG-100 built in the image of Björk, a sentient automaton attached to our party by Taylor’s overlords at the Union des Grands Crus de Bordeaux, its development funded by profits from the 2022 primeurs campaign. Its purpose was to ‘encourage’ the awarding of 100 points wherever possible, and right now it seemed intent on doing just that. It careered along behind us, its android legs whirring and cycling at incredible speed. As it ran it waved a wooden baton above its head.
“One hundred points, or one hundred blows,” it shouted in a characteristically primal, ethereal, strangely elastic yet clipped tone. The words undulated through the air, sounding stressed when you thought they would be relaxed, and relaxed when you thought they would be stressed.
I was impressed just how close in character the voice was to that of the real Björk.
Because, just for the sake of clarity, this isn’t the real Björk, you know.
“I see you’ve managed to switch the voice mode to English,” I called out, as Taylor Swift vaulted a low wall and began the short dash for the cellar door. [As an aside, I wonder if I need to make a fresh statement about Taylor also being a facsimile – I guess I should ask her lawyers when they next call]. A bouncer – yes, there are bouncers at the primeurs – ushered us through, then instantaneously took up a position to block the path of the automaton.
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